The hardest part of the school run? Letting go

As the new school year begins, many children will take their first steps towards travelling to school independently. In the UK, this often starts in Year 5 and becomes much more common at the beginning of Year 7, when many children begin making the journey on their own.

For parents, this can be a surprisingly difficult moment. We may know they are ready, but that doesn’t necessarily make it easy to let them go.

Yet there is so much to gain from giving children this freedom - and I’m not just talking about reclaiming some time for ourselves! So, why does independent mobility matter, and how do we learn to let them go?

As my 10-year-old starts travelling more independently, to school and nearby activities, I’m reminded that the hardest part of the school run isn’t teaching them how to cross the road. It’s teaching myself to let him go.

He can walk there by himself. He knows the route. He knows how to cross the roads. He knows what to do if something unexpected happens. He is perfectly capable. But knowing that intellectually and actually watching him walk off without me are two very different things.

As parents, we spend years teaching our children to become independent. And yet, when independence actually arrives, it can feel surprisingly uncomfortable.

There is always a little voice inside us saying:

What if something happens?

What if he gets lost?

What if he crosses the road at the wrong moment?

On top of this, sometimes there are real voices - friends, relatives, or neighbours - asking “But are you sure he is ready?”, making us doubt ourselves all over again.

These worries are real. And I don't think we should dismiss them. But there is another question we need to ask ourselves: What happens if we don’t let them go?

One of the things I have come to appreciate through my work with Green School Runs is that independent travel isn't really about transport. It is rather a fundamental milestone in growing up.

When a child walks to school without an adult, they are doing much more than going from A to B. They are making decisions. They are noticing what is happening around them. They are judging when it is safe to cross. They are figuring out what to do when something doesn't go according to plan. They are experiencing their neighbourhood as their neighbourhood, rather than simply somewhere they are driven through by an adult. Research into children's independent mobility has found that opportunities to travel independently can support confidence, autonomy, and a sense of responsibility.

And there is something else that I think is easily overlooked. They are having adventures. Small adventures, perhaps. But adventures nonetheless. They might bump into a friend. Discover a new route. Stop to look at something. Arrive at school having had ten minutes of their own thoughts before the day begins. These are tiny freedoms, but they matter.

Of course, there is a huge caveat: we can't simply tell parents to let their children walk to school and then wash our hands of the problem.

If the route has a dangerous crossing, is too busy or unpleasant, it is completely understandable that parents don't feel comfortable letting their children travel independently. This is where I think the conversation about children's independence needs to change. The answer shouldn't be to keep children away from the street. We should be making the street better for children.

At Green School Runs, this is one of the reasons we care so much about traffic, air pollution, safer crossings, pavements and school streets. We want children to have the freedom to move around their neighbourhoods, but that freedom depends on having an environment that makes it possible.

...so, as the start of the school year approaches, I'm trying to remind myself that the little knot in my stomach isn't necessarily a sign that he isn't ready. It is simply a sign that I am a parent. And my job isn't to hold on more tightly. It is to make sure he has the skills, confidence and safe environment he needs - and then, little by little, let him go.